THE END

I have been home for a few days now but have been too jet lagged to do anything. Then again it's currently 5:36 AM and I'm blogging. I'm having difficulties turning around. I figured it would be harder at home because my family is just like 'Take your time' while in Auroville it was 'Let's go guys' after four hours of sleep.

Where to start. I'll recap Saturday on....

We, being Crystal, the guys, her friend from school Andrew, and myself, were all going to play ultimate yet no one really showed up. So we decided to make samosas instead. A samosa is a deep fried triangular pocket filled with cooked potatoes, carrots, peas, onions, herbs, and spices. Tasty little buggers. It took quite some time to make them but they were defiantly worth it. I helped chop the veggies and roll out the dough to make the pocket. The last day I think I alone gain 10 pounds because my meals were as followed: chocolate, coconut and banana croissants for breakfast, then samosas for lunch along with chocolate and I skipped dinner because I was still full from all the fried food.

I took one last walk around the field out behind the guest house with Nandhu. We talked about what it was going to be like for me to come home. Then at around 7:15 PM it was time to load up the bus. I didn't become an emotional wreck until I came to Crystal, who was my roommate at CGH. I completely broke down -- not 100% why other than the fact that the end had finally come. I teared up when I hugged the guys as well. A chapter of my life had just closed....without me really wanting it to.

From all the emotional and physical stress/exhaustion I slept most of the bus ride to Chennai. Once on the plane to Frankfort, Laura and I were able to sit next to each other. We both crashed though. By the time I was in Frankfort I was somewhat rested and we had beers for Nealy's 21st birthday. My plane was before many of the other peoples so I did another round of good-byes, this time without the water works. The Chicago flight was uncomfortable. I wanted to sleep but couldn't find a position that worked. When I landed in Chicago I actually had no idea we had touched down other than the fact I felt the wheels hit. When I looked out the window all I saw was snow, wind, and very little visibility. It actually looked like Antarctica.

Chicago was a MAD HOUSE. Flights being cancelled left and right, including mine to Louisville. I had a small break down because I just wanted to get home. It looked as though I would be spending the next in the airport when I found a flight to Lexington. I made sure there were seats, called my dad to see if he would pick me up, and I finally was on my last plane at 7:30 PM. We got stuck on the runway for quite some time but I was in and out of sleep so I really didn't notice. I finally touched down around 10 PM and was in my house a little after 11 PM. I was happy to see everyone but all I really wanted was my bed. Jordan and I went to sleep and I didn't get up until noon the next day. I feel back asleep at 3 until 5, when Jordan left. I still haven't been sleeping very well but I am slowly making the switch.

I have been an emotional train wreck since I have arrived home. I’m basically crying at the drop of a hat. I'm not really sure why -- I assume it's all the emotions and stress that come with coming home. I have a lot to deal with on my plate, more than I think is fair. I know I am strong enough to deal with them it's just actually facing those daemons. I'm scared, upset, and worried about facing them but I can't put them off. I wish I had Laura to talk to yet she is up in Mass. I know I can do it on my own but I have a hard time believing it at times. Christmas is tomorrow yet I feel little of the cheer. I just wonder how long it's going to take me to get into some sort of 'normal' state. I know I have changed a lot and I don't know how to express this to others. I'm confused too because I know I have changed yet I feel like I have to turn back into what I use to be. That is impossible though. I'm just as lost as I was in my last blog, just now I am home not half way around the world.