The day has come

The day has come....
The time has come....

Tomorrow morning we set off on our 3 week long tour of India. During this time will will be staying a four different places but the final place is where our forty hour solo is. I have been exited about this solo from the moment I read about the program sometime last fall. I am not sure what to expect but the unexpected. I am going to be open to whatever wants to talk to me, use me, guide me, open me. I am a sponge, fill me with knowledge. I cannot become frustrated if nothing happens, stay calm and when something is ready it will come. I am tingling with excitement that can hardly be contained.

The day has come....
The time has come....
.....I am ready.

Tying lose ends

I will first start out with the bad news. Last Thursday I received an e mail from the president of UK saying that a dummy of Obama had been found hung from a tree. I could not believe what I was reading. How could someone my age, at my university do such a stupid inconsiderate racist act? Are we really still that backwards? I became really upset to the point that I was shaking with rage. I tried to call Jordan to talk to someone who could relate to the issue but he didn't pick up his phone. I journaled instead questioning how could the United States ever change if we cannot even get past issues concerning race? I am the only person from my group that is from "The South" everyone else is from New England. I don't want to say there are not backward people up north but nothing like what I have seen in the south. I really needed someone who could understand how ridiculous things could really get and relate to how awful of a situation this particular incident was. That night I basically lost all faith and respect for people in Kentucky. I know that I should not generalize but Kentucky is red and only a few counties go blue. It is almost as though my vote doesn't even count. How do you get suck bone headed people to change? I thought my generation was doing well and we had surpassed many of these racial issues --but that seems false. The next day I received another e mail saying they had caught the two guys, one was a UK student while the other one had no affiliation with the university. Because of student confidentiality policy I won't hear anything else about the trial, yet if I was in Lexington I would probably be able to read something in the newspaper. There will also be consequences from the university not just Fayette County. So about two hours after I found this news out we were having our usual community meeting. There has been a lot of tension in the community that had been building for quite some time. Well that night a lot of it was released. I personally had a blow up and a melt down. Being as upset as I was I didn't hold back anything that I had been thinking or feeling since I had been here. One of my biggest problems is finding the line that separate being a helpful friend or being a mother. We are all between the ages of 20-23, we should be able to get ourselves out of bed, wash our own dishes and pick up after ourselves. I do not need to tell you this you should be responsible enough to do it on your own. I later just had a complete breakdown and cried my eyes out which was a good release. Every few months I need a good cry to get out all of the frustration or tension that had been building up. After the meeting I felt a lot lighter and while we will not change over night I think change will slowly happen. We leave on our month long trip this coming Friday so hopefully attitudes will change or else it will be hell for everyone. That's one issue with community...when some has an issue with someone else it runs though everyone, no one is safe from the fire. That is something I have had to deal with more than I would like to admit. On a more positive note, HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I know it's a few days late but we had a party on Saturday night which was quite the hit. Laura and I decorated with ghosts, made a graveyard, spider webs and spiders, and lots of paper candle holders. The best part I think was the watermelon carving. Yes I did say watermelon. There are pumpkins here, yet it isn't the season for them. So the next best thing happened to be a watermelon. We did the same as a pumpkin, took out the top, hollowed out the center, and carved the face or whatever wanted to be craved. The great part was that we made watermelon juice out of the left over which was quite tasty. I happened to be a ninja this year because a lot of the girls say I look like one while I Tai Chi. Then one of the night watchman painted my face...which didn't make me look very ninja like but still a cool design. We had a huge sound system and probably around 50 people. It seems like we are the first group to do such a thing. We called the watermelon juice "blood" and made spaghetti which happened to be "brains." It was quite a fun night. Though I have to say my favorite part of the night was my walk with Nandha, the night watchman who I've formed a friendship with. He is my age and lives in one of the villages surrounding Auroville. He is quite at times but defiantly has times when he can talk for hours, which was what we did. We just sort of wandered off and touched on all sorts of subjects. I learned quite a bit about him and his village, such that up until about a year or two ago there were rival gangs that were killing the villagers. He saved two girls from dieing too. It was very powerful and moving to compare my life to his, all on my head of course, and how different it's been. I don't want to say his life has been harder because we have different cultures and countries but compared to mine I have been on auto pilot. I really respect him and he has so much potential in several areas but I don't know if he will actually get a chance to achieve any of them. He does seem to have the drive to but from example he wants to become a politician for his village yet only women can hold such a position. He says he could work through his wife but he doesn't want to married...that poses a problem. He also has expressed interest in becoming a Yogi which I find fascinating...to have that much devotion to something would be a wonderful fulfilling thing to have. I keep telling him he has to come visit me, but that is another thing that he may or may not be able to ever accomplish. He wants to see Switzerland, snow, and go sledding. Part of me wants to help him achieve his goals but I don't think I have that kind of power. He is an amazing artist as well. Every so often we trade back and forth drawing different images and his are about 1000 times better than mine. Though I will say my portrait of him, other than the fact I didn't make his head quite long enough, was spot on. He has yet to draw me. I'm starting to dread going home in a way because I have become so comfortable here. I see this as my home right now, and I do want to see my family as well as Jordan I've just become so accustom to living here that I can't image what life is going to be like I go back to the States. And with such a turning point happening with the election tomorrow who knows what life will be like when I return. I have formed some friendships that I don't see how I'm going to live without. I guess without is the wrong word but they will not be 30 feet from me so if I needed to talk. Life is going to be different in so many ways, more than I know now. I can't dwell on it because I still am only half way through here but it seems to always sit in the back of my mind heavy, waiting for a chance to come forward. I suppose that's enough for now. As I said we leave for Bangalore and Hampi this Friday and will be gone till the end of the month. I am really looking forward to these travels because the solo was one of the main reasons I chose this program. Till next time....