It is now September 1st and I'm days away from being in India. I am excited, ready to head out into a new adventure but I've been down the past few weeks. Why, one might ask, was I down when I am going to possibly one of the most beautiful places on Earth? Let me explain. My boyfriend was accepted by Notre Dame into their philosophy Ph.D. program. A little over two weeks ago we drove all our belonging up to South Bend, IN to our new home. I made the decision awhile ago to join him there once I'm done with my undergrad -- basically once I'm back from India. I stayed there for two weeks which was long enough for me to start questioning what I did....or are going to do....all my stuff is there so it's a did. Anyway, I started to feel very lost and questioning why I was there. I love him very much, we fit together well, and I believe we will marry some day.....but I wasn't questioning any of those feelings. He is doing something with his life while I just followed him up there. I have never been the girl to follow a guy, or at least I thought. I am just kind of floating along lost in a sea of nothingness.

We have been apart the entire summer as well and I wont see him again until sometime in January. In our nearly 3 year relationship, we have only been apart for maybe 2 weeks at a time -- we have been living with each other for almost 2 years. This is going to be a true test of feelings for each other and find out if what we have is what we want. Which I do believe is a good thing, even though I might hate it. But since January we have been talking about the 9 months we will be without each other. True we have seen each other here and there but overall its a hell of a long time to be apart. Last week I came to a realization that I need to stop thinking so much about the future. I was home alone, he was in class, and I had been in a funk the whole time I was there --wasn't really sure why. I sat down and started writing and I wrote something that shocked me. It basically was along the lines of your life is ending until you're back in South Bend. My jaw dropped and I put down my pen. Was that really what I believed? I am going to India....INDIA FOR CRYING OUT LOUD......and my life is ending? I love him very much but to say I'm dead without him was an eyeopener. I then proceeded to give myself a pep talk that none of that was true. While I have read it, hear it from others, seen it on TV shows like Oprah, it didn't really hit me until then that I probably live my life in the future more than I should. I am missing everything that is happening around me and I should be thankful for what I have now, not what I might have or gain in the coming years. So after being a sour puss for a week in a half I decided those last 2 days I wasn't going to think about the tomorrow but only about the now....and maybe a few hours head. I have since tired to living in the moment, but wooh buddy is it hard. Right now it is difficult because in two weeks I will actually BE in India....who can not think about that?! I also just feel so distant from home life that it's hard not to think about being in South Bend or India or just somewhere else. But I am trying and that is about all I can do. I wonder how many people can say they appreciate where they are at any given moment? I know certain circumstances such as death of a loved one or no longer having a home due to a natural disaster wouldn't be happy moments, but just your run-of-the-mill city goer who is right there right now? I would suspect very few because of the countless things we have to do. Do we really have to do them? What can we give up or do less of? I'm going to try and living in the moment as best I can. Most of the time it takes a near death experience for someone to truly live in the moment but I'd rather not experience that. I actually believe that I on some level the realization I had was from a near-death-experience. I actually thought my life was over until I returned to South Bend. By saying, "I wish these 4 months would pass so I can get on with my life." is close enough for me. It is now time to live in the moment. Anyone who reads this I hope will challenge themselves to do the same. I think we all would become happier people and not dwell on the negatives as much, which I do a lot. I have to say I don't think it will be hard in India, other than looking forward to seeing my boyfriend again, because it's going to be such a new and different experience than any I have ever had before. But the two weeks before will be challenging. So wish me luck......it's going to be a long, winding, thought provoking road.